Sorry for not doing one of these in awhile, but the hate train needed more fuel and what better fuel than another horror shitfest. Before I go any further I will tell you that I have not seen the first one and no I don't want to see it. From what I hear they are very similar and I don't need to see the first one to appreciate the second because there isn't anything to appreciate. So I guess I'll go ahead and get this started.
So the movie starts us out with a home camera setup for the cinematography. We are introduced to our shallow, predictable characters played by unknown actors through this camera. They are what appears a normal, middle class, white family, which is creepy because I've never ever seen that in any movies ever. In fact I don't even know if I want to call them a family. Their family structure is so ass-backwards. Their teenage daughter is like a niece or something, I couldn't follow it that well. Then there's the sister of the wife who is the chick from the first movie and has nice tits. Finally there is the newborn son who won't have anything to do with the plot since horror movies don't tend to use children as a point of interest. So anyways they get their house raided by something and have to set up cameras everywhere so it doesn't happen again. In which the cameras pick up SPOOKY stuff.
So basically this entire films premise is these cameras watching a ghost fuck with this family. No I am serious, that's what this ghost does, he just fucks with them. He basically just opens doors and knocks pots down which is scary as hell if you are a moron. Not to mention this ghost is really fucking stupid and here's why. They do a poor job of explaining what the hell this ghost's motivation is but apparently the grandma made a deal with the devil in the 20s and the deal was that the devil took the first born son. Since then all the bloodline had been girls up until this newborn son. So basically this ghost's goal is to take (or kill) the kid which is fine but he doesn't ever fucking just do it. Think about it, you've been waiting since the 20's to kill this damn thing, I'd have killed it while it was in the womb and gotten it over with. But no the ghost just fucks around for the entire movie in which he manages to rape one, possess two, kill a dog (;-;), and use the possessed body to kill two others. This ghost is like the worst hitman ever. However the chick from the first movie who is possessed comes over and take the kid, but they don't tell you where she went with it. I guess we'll need another shitty movie to tell us that.
That's Paranormal Activity 2 for you and it's not even scary. The special effects are equivalent to what a five year old could do with his Sesame Street camera. The scary parts were actually hilarious and rival most of the comedy films this year. Also this films depends heavily on the use of pop up horror. That's when everything is quiet and then a really loud sound effect surprises you. This causes everyone to jump and it always works, but this is not scaring people, it's surprising people. There is a difference between scared and surprised and just because I jumped doesn't mean anything it's a natural reflex. If I were to come up behind you with and air horn while you were quietly sitting at a table and blew it in your ears you would jump. Would you be scared? No, you'd be surprised. That being said STOP FUCKING USING POP UP HORROR, IT'S NOT CREATIVE OR ENJOYABLE, IT'S ANNOYING AS FUCK.
So if you're looking into seeing this movie and you liked the first one then go see it. You deserve to see bad movies and your ticket money just goes the studio so they can make more cheap ripoffs instead of people developing good taste and giving money to studios who put out decent movies. To suggest a healthy alternative to this movie I do suggest The Blair Witch Project. It's realistic and much more creepy and they fuck a lot which is cool.
Also spoilers.
No comments:
Post a Comment